fat is the new skinny

So it turns out that the reason I have put on...I dunno...like....eight kilos in the last five years....is because my liver is made out of crystalised whiskey!

So what to do about this? The following options briefly crossed my mind:

a)  Liver transplant

b)  Open orphanage in Myanmar (if you have good kharma you can balance out your vices)

and then I got distracted so I didn't think of anything else. But cessation of mind-altering substances was most certainly in the back of my mind...

What's a metabolism? How can a potato be bad for me? Didn't GOD make marijuana too? This argument could get deep if I wasn't so wasted from last night's beers, plus just doing 4km on the fucking treadmill.

A guy I know just advertised his membership of a Facebook group called "Join if you have an awesome Asian girlfriend". This made me angry because, besides it being a blatant stereotyping of oriental women (think of movies like The Castle where the crusty old Aussie "bloke" marries a young Chinese lady that is only interested in shoving ping pong balls up her vagina and has that horrible shrill, high-pitched whine), I happen to know his girlfriend and I know that she would be proud of this. Some chicks just need a good slap in the head. Most boys do, too. I suppose this guy thinks all Asian girls have small vaginas and are good cooks.

Can't be bothered continuing this rant. Next time I see this dude I'm gonna slip some ballachaung down his fucking pants and then he can see how hot Eurasian chicks are. I happen to have some fugly female relatives, by the way.

I would like it if it was still fashionable to have a figure like these Renoir ladies:

 

I would also like to add that fashion blogs are the most boring waste of time ever and I would rather spend my time sharpening pencils with my anus, so stop making them. Okay.