healthy calories

What if you had a huge goober in your eye and nobody told you? I wish I had a way of identifying these selfish so-and-so's who choose not to speak up. I've always thought that if I did get a dog, he will be a pug called Goober. My friend says that breeding pugs is wrong because they have spinal deformities which can effect their internal organs but I would like to have a little snuffly friend that has birth defects like me. Like, I am allergic to camels and this makes my life extremely difficult. What a burden huh.

I also have a substantial spinal deformity, but this isn't so visible to the untrained eye. Chiropractors, on the other hand, are bastards and always wanna tell you that you are basically going to hell because the hormones in chicken are a slow, silent killer. For fuck's sake! "POSTURE IS THE WINDOW TO YOUR FUCKING HEALTH! BUY THIS UNCOMFORTABLE PILLOW!"

This scab on my leg is so itchy it's driving me crazy but on the whole, life is good!

please don't feed the birds

When I was a kid, I always lived really close to the ocean. Back then I used to hate seagulls, because they were everywhere. They pecked and scavenged and tried to eat my chips. Nowadays, I feel guilty if I eat chips because I'm affected by photoshopped people with no pores and I'll never really know just how much pubic hair is acceptable from one person to another. Nowadays I always feel happy when I see a seagull, even if it is only on the freeway. I miss living near the ocean, always wearing next to nothing, knowing exactly what was expected.

your face is...

Flipping hell it is so hot today. The landlady said I had really "groovied up" my flat. So I took down the pictures of 50's pinup girls and replaced them with pictures of narhwals and Galapagos island tortoises, like this one:


Lately, about every 2 days or so, I am woken at 8:30am by Snoop Dogg. This is because I don't have a better ring tone, and also because someone at the Fremantle Family Doctors' office REALLY wants to see my vagina. I'm not kidding. They call me ALL the time - "This is Kendall, you need to book in for a pap smear, PLEASE let us give you a pap smear!"... (possible dramatisation). Fuck you Kendall. That's no way to woo a lady.

Started reading one of Aung San Suu Kyi's books. Need inspiration to stop staring at the wall thinking about not staring at the wall.