whoreticulture / fagriculture

It is true. I am unnaturally excited about puns...

I just downloaded this Ludacris album and I can't think of one logical reason as to why it wasn't written solely for me. It's called Chicken 'n Beer for christ's sake!

So, I don't sleep much lately. This is definitely irritating, but during my restless nights I have discovered some amazing phenomena that has been vexing and enthralling me at the same time.

Every time I get out of bed to pee, no matter what time (2am, 4am, whatever), the woman in the apartment above me is PEEING AT THE SAME TIME. Sometimes I can even hear her pooing. What does this mean!? Do our bladders have some kind of psychic connection? Maybe it's like when women live in the same house and their periods start being in sync because of the phases of the moon or something. This happens on the reality TV series "Big Brother". It's pretty gross. Everyone flips out and no one can get disgusting live bogan tv sex.

At first I thought my toilet-nemesis was a man because they made a really loud wee noise, like it was hitting the water from far away, but I've been lead to believe that the man has moved out and now it's just a lady. I saw her once when it was dark outside and she had her blinds open. I don't like her. She looks like an Office Manager I once had who had acne but wore tonnes of orange make-up and hated me because I was always hungover. I'm not hungover today. The loud pisser-man probably moved out because she's so skinny and boring.

Next time we are peeing in unison, I will have to think of some way to confront her and find out why she insists on exacerbating my insomnia. I need to brainstorm. I don't have any clever ideas right now.

Also, I just googled "Why do farts smell worse in the shower?" and I got a VERY interesting answer:

"H2O, in the form of water vapor, easily attaches to methane molecules by the chlorine atom, or the sulfur released from bacteria, making the foul smell more readily attach to the nostril lining, subsequently sustaining the odor longer than in a dry climate. In addition, warm vapors will cause any crusted mucus to soften and disengage, providing more surface area within the sinuses. And lastly, (if you are male) the qualitive factor of "worse" is a perception of foreign gases - as to our own emissions, the qualitive factor is 'better'."

Some nerd has really done some extensive research. I wish I had a cool job like that...fart scientist. Technology is amAzing. 

Okay, I'm gonna go and not sleep now. Bleerrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

P.S. Here is an interesting wikipedia link about carnivorous plants. There is one called a "bladder trap". It's terrifying. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnivorous_plant